Messenger Safety 101

Help get your child set up safely with a new platform or app, with this quick reference guide.

What is it?

Messenger is Meta’s messaging app (connected to Facebook and Instagram accounts). Messenger Kids is a version designed for children under 13, with parent-managed controls.

Users of the app can:

Send text messages, photos, videos, and voice notes
Make voice and video calls
Create group chats
React to messages and send stickers/GIFs

Messenger is account-based, meaning it is linked to a Facebook or Instagram account, it is chat and group-focused and it's cross-platform, meaning that messages can come from people outside their immediate contacts.

In contrast, Messenger Kids is parent-controlled, meaning the account is created and managed by parents or caregivers, and it is a closed network so only approved contacts can connect with each other.

For parents and caregivers, the key thing to understand is that Messenger is a social messaging space with broader contact potential, while Messenger Kids is a controlled environment where parents manage who their child can communicate with.

Why it's popular

Messenger and Messenger Kids enables tamariki and rangatahi to:

Easily message friends and groups
Voice and video call each other
Connect with Facebook/Instagram contacts
Use fun features (stickers, GIFs, reactions)
Feel independent whilst still have parental control (Messenger Kids)

What to watch out for

Group chats

Group chats can include people your child doesn’t know well, and conversations can move quickly with lots of messages coming through at once. This can sometimes lead to misunderstandings, teasing, or conflict, especially when things escalate without adults being aware.

Ask questions like, “What kind of group chats are you in?” to understand who they’re interacting with. Help them recognise when it’s okay to mute notifications, step away, or leave a group chat if it becomes overwhelming or uncomfortable.

Contact from people they don’t know (Messenger only)

Depending on the account settings, people your child doesn’t know may be able to send message requests or try to start conversations. This can make it difficult for young people to judge who is safe to engage with, especially if the message seems friendly or familiar.

Talk about only responding to people they know and trust and check message request settings together so you can limit who is able to contact them in the first place.

Links, images, and shared content

Messages may include links, videos, or forwarded content that isn’t always what it seems. Some content may be misleading, inappropriate, or even designed to trick users into clicking links that could lead them elsewhere.

Encourage your child to pause and check before clicking on anything. Ask questions like, “Do you know where this came from?” to help them think more critically about what they receive.

Pressure to respond

Features like read receipts and active status can create a sense of pressure to reply straight away. Young people may feel like they need to stay constantly available or worry about how others will react if they don’t respond quickly.

Reinforce that they don’t need to reply immediately and it’s okay to take their time. Let them know they can step away from conversations without needing to explain themselves.

Video chat and screen sharing

Messenger allows video calls and group calls, which can sometimes include multiple people joining at once. This can make it harder for children to know who is present or feel in control of the situation.

Talk about who they feel comfortable being on video with and when it’s okay to decline or leave a call. Encourage them to only join calls with people they know and trust.

False sense of safety (Messenger Kids)

Because Messenger Kids includes parent controls, children (and parents) may assume that everything within the app is completely safe. However, their experience still depends on who they are communicating with and how those interactions play out.

Keep conversations going about respectful behaviour, boundaries, and what to do if something doesn’t feel right. Regular check-ins help children build confidence to speak up and make safe choices.

5 minute safety settings: Messenger

Sit together and work through settings to put some basic protections in place, and talk about why they're important.

These settings are designed to reduce contact with strangers, limit inappropriate content and protect privacy.

Note: Settings and menu options may look slightly different depending on your child’s device and account, but these controls are the most important to check.

Go to the Messenger app and access your profile
Go to 'Settings' (the cog icon)
Go to 'Privacy & safety' and scroll to 'Message delivery'
Decide who can send messages in a chat versus who can send a message request, or who you don't want to receive requests from for the follow options:
- People with your phone number
- Friends of friends
- People in your groups
- Pages that you follow
- Others on Facebook or Instagram

You can choose:

Don’t receive requests or
Message requests (instead of direct chats)

This helps prevent strangers from messaging your child directly. Options may vary depending on your child’s account settings.

Message requests are where messages from unknown people appear.

In the Menu tap 'Message Requests'
Check the requests under the two tabs 'You may know' and 'Spam'

This helps you and your child spot and manage unwanted or unfamiliar contacts.

Turning this off reduces pressure to respond straight away.

In Messenger access your child's Profile and go to 'Settings' (the cog icon)

Tap 'Active status' and toggle off

This helps reduce expectations to reply immediately. You can also turn off “Show when you’re active together” if available.

Blocking stops someone from contacting your child.

Open the chat with the person you want to block
Tap the person’s name at the top
Scroll down and tap 'Block', 'Restrict' or 'Report'

This prevents further contact from that person.

5 minute safety settings: Messenger Kids

All controls for Messenger Kids are managed in the parent’s Facebook app. You’ll need to be logged into your own Facebook account to manage your child’s settings.

In your Facebook app, click the Menu icon (☰) and scroll down until you see Messenger Kids (you may need to click 'See More' to expand the menu of options).
Select Messenger Kids and 'Get Started' (if you're not already set up) or select your child's name if they already have an account.
View the list of contact requests and existing connections.

This is the core safety feature of Messenger Kids; no one can message your child without your approval.

Parents control all connections in Messenger Kids

Contacts must be approved before messaging can begin.
You can choose whether your child can send requests or only receive them.

This prevents strangers from contacting your child and keeps their network limited to people you trust.

Parents can view recent chats and activity.

This helps you stay aware of who your child is talking to and how conversations are going. It’s a good idea to check in occasionally and talk with your child about what you see. Transparency over the settings and the visibility of conversations builds trust and ensures your child understands why you're monitoring their online activity.

You can control when the app is available by heading into the Messenger Kids controls and tapping 'Sleep Mode'

Set times when the app can’t be used (e.g. overnight or during school).

This helps support healthy routines and reduces late-night messaging and distraction.

You can remove or block people directly. This can be done from your parent dashboard if a contact becomes a concern.

Talk with your child about why you’re removing someone so they understand how to stay safe.

What else can help?

Support your child to navigate Messenger or Messenger Kids safely...

Most risks in messaging apps come from interactions with people, not the app itself. Taking an interest in who your child is chatting with helps you understand their online world. Ask questions like, “Who do you usually chat with?” and keep the conversation open and judgement-free.
It’s okay for young people to leave, mute, or step away from conversations that don’t feel right. They may worry about upsetting others or missing out, so it’s important to reassure them. Let them know this is a normal and healthy way to protect themselves online.
Busy group chats or constant notifications can feel overwhelming and hard to manage. Showing your child how to mute conversations gives them more control over their experience. This helps them take a break without needing to leave the chat completely.
Messages can easily be misread because tone and intent aren’t always clear in text. This can sometimes lead to confusion or conflict between young people. Encourage them to pause and think before replying, especially if something feels upsetting or unclear.
Video calls can feel more personal and can sometimes include people your child doesn’t expect. It’s important they feel comfortable with who they’re on camera with. Talk about when it’s okay to join or leave a call and remind them they can say no.
Messaging habits, friendships, and group dynamics can change quickly and they evolve over time. Regular check-ins help you stay connected to what’s happening in your child’s online world. Stay curious with questions like, “What’s happening in your chats lately?” and keep the conversation relaxed and ongoing.